Twenty years after high school I had a brief reunion with my teenage girlfriend, Sue. During our conversation, Sue reflected on her life and said, “Steve, you are the most romantic man I have ever met.”
That compliment stuck with me for many years without much thought until recently. What I realize now is that being a romantic man is something that women greatly overvalue in today’s mainstream culture. For sensitive women seeking real love, a man with a romantic personality but lacking true emotions of the heart is one of the worst types of men to get involved with.
This is why.
In Myself Writer’s Summary award-winning relationship book, Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Should Know About Catching A ManI briefly described the following five ingredients of a desirable male loving partner:
• Talent: Physical appearance, intelligence / common sense, money / wealth / success
• Play: Sense of humor, confidence / personal power, ability to converse / charm
• Heart: Emotional warmth / kindness, ability to listen / understand, sense of gratitude / appreciation
• Character: Responsibility / maturity, ability to handle adversity, honesty / integrity
• To fit in: Shared human values, compatible life habits, harmonious personalities, matching relationship goals
A truly romantic man is one who combines the ingredients of “Game” and “Heart” to win the affection of the woman he desires. When this man also possesses abundant “Talent” along with the overall impression of strong “Character” and good “Fit”, you have the kind of man that any woman would find attractive at first glance. But what most women don’t realize is that it is possible to meet a man with a lot of “Game” but little or no “Heart” or “Character”.
You should know because that’s the kind of man I used to be.
Growing up when I was romantic was mainly to have the confidence and style to impress women. My unconscious role model at the time was the fictional character in the film, James Bond 007 played by Sean Connery. His combination of good looks, athletic physique, stylish clothing, high self-confidence, bravery, charm, and intelligence made him irresistible to women on the big screen.
But in reality, the James Bond character was also a cold-blooded killer and compulsive womanizer. Being “romantic” was just part of his personality. Possessing the kindness, compassion, warmth, tenderness, gratitude, trust, and love of a genuine relationship partner would render you completely ineffective as a secret agent.
So while being romantic is a desirable quality in a man, it doesn’t make him a good love partner unless the man also possesses the best qualities of a good heart. The heartless romantic man is the most deceptive and trusting guy a woman will ever meet. He will also be the type of man that a woman will naturally come to resent eventually.
On the other hand, the least romantic man with a big heart is the saddest guy from a male perspective. This is the man who needs to learn the art of romance and develop high self-esteem to go along with it. Otherwise, he is the type that is ignored by most women these days even though he possesses the kind of genuine love to give and share. As long as the truly loving man is not a clueless romantic deadweight, he will be a love partner that a woman will come to love and respect over time.
THE BOTTOM LINE
An intelligent and sensitive woman should be wary of romantic men whose behavior is driven by personality and not by the genuine spirit within. She must wisely invest her heart in potential loving partners who respect all human beings and understand that love is naturally drawn into the lives of those who give generously with kindness, compassion, warmth, gratitude, and trust.