Seeing Fanton’s Xrytspet © on G10009845788899990766 levitate, plus Silzrack, his assistant, along with the FnL7 Time Craft, and the fact that he doesn’t tell me how he does it led me to the invention.
My invention is the GRAVITY SCREEN which I am sure many will find useful.
For example, placing the gravity screen on the sidewalk in front of your house, allowing your mother-in-law to walk on it, will protect her from the earth’s gravity field. Giving it a nudge with the handle of a broom will send it to unfamiliar places if you plan ahead of time to put glue on the gravity screen that will hold it firmly to your shoes. In no way am I suggesting that you actually do this.
Your boss?
You better think about it!
To understand how the gravity screen works, you need to understand concepts such as state density and reciprocal space. Knowledge of the Uncertainty Principle of Dr. Heisenberg and certain precepts given in the General Theory of Relativity on the Curvature of Space is also essential. Some of you “in the know” may have already guessed how the gravity screen might have been invented.
You’ll be wrong, so you can watch Wimbledon again.
I found my solution to the gravity problem when I dropped Dr. Hocking’s book “The Universe in a Nutshell” on my toe in the bathroom.
I said, “Damn it!”
That was it!
He just had to block gravity.
Using my background in materials science and engineering, I stretched my imagination into the space of Dr. Hocking and EUREKA!
When I was teaching engineering at Iowa State University years ago (1966-1974), I tried to find someone in the Physics Department who would work on the superconductivity of ceramics. The literature indicated that eventually such materials would become practical, and they did. I wanted to make the materials and then have the Physics Department help me measure the properties.
The end of the story is that everyone was too busy doing something else, so we weren’t the ones who got the Nobel Prize. However, one who turned me down came up to me later and asked if we could get things back on track. Another scientist wanted to know if we couldn’t get together and build a train using superconductor theory.
I was too busy making “flying saucers” at the time, the variety of pottery that flew through the air at the Atlantic City Rescue Mission, where we sometimes sampled commercial porcelain. We already had a new “cymbal factory” springing up in a cornfield in North Carolina and we had to provide technical support.
I was very busy.
The concept I used to develop my Gravity Screen was not superconductivity but supermagnetivity combined with osmosis. You won’t find “supermagnetivity” in your dictionary. I invented the word to actually prevent the discovery of my concept by outsiders. Osmosis was used for the same reason. However, I will mention that I had to use the perturbation theory.
Well, I soon knew that I had to protect the world from the gravity screen.
I lost three keys, a hammer, several screwdrivers, and a ham sandwich in outer space. My neighbor’s dog came home after an absence of seventeen days. His legs were raw from walking through the Craters of the Moon just north of here.
I had tagged my tools in case they got lost. I received a nice letter from NASA plus the return of a pair of special pliers that the shuttle astronauts discovered were exactly what was needed to repair the Hubble Space Telescope. They even sent me to the plate. I responded and told them that I could take my toolbox to the next mission, but got no response. They don’t allow pig aortic valves in the shuttle unless they are in a pig. I learned that through the vine.
I also knew that Xrytspet © was jealous and had actually sent some of my tools into space, so it’s not all my fault if a hammer hits the International Space Station.
Xrytspet © dissuaded me from the project. He said my solution was out of date anyway and if I wanted to levitate I could always go with it on the FnL7 Time Craft ©.
Instead of alienating her (no pun intended), I decided to quit the project. My final decision came when some uniformed guys from the Pentagon came sniffing around. The last thing I wanted was for the military to use my invention to kill people.
In my mind I could see the insurgents drifting through space gasping for air.
To rid the earth of the gravity screen, I simply threw it into my garbage can and kicked it. I got some good photos hovering in front of the moon using my 35mm camera with a 400mm lens.
The end
copyright © 2007 John Taylor Jones, Ph.D. Taylor Jones the Hack Writer
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