Every stress-filled job needs a little injection of humor to lighten the load of the workday. With deadlines looming, quotas not met, mistakes made, bosses unhappy with your performance, co-workers complaining and betraying…some days the workplace can seem like nothing more than a giant sucking machine. self esteem. Since the innate desire to yell and misbehave will not be acceptable, try taking two jokes and laughing your way through the next part of your day.
1. We should have known that the patient was going to be petty and irritable, had different colored eyes; two of them were blue.
2. The patient started to calm down after being in the hospital for a week, we know because he finally started to wave five fingers at the nurses.
3. The doctor put Sally on a diet, she is trying to get down to her original weight of six pounds seven ounces.
4. You know you’ve had a rough day at work when you come home and try to open your front door with your car remote.
5. Your stress level has gotten out of hand when you find yourself at lunchtime standing in front of the microwave yelling, “Hurry up!”
6. You know you’ll be working 40+ hours a week when you’re handed a credential, laptop, cell phone, and sleeping bag on your first day of work.
7. The barista at the company cafeteria is becoming very aggressive. First, his tip jar would say, ‘Thanks, a latte,’ then he’d say, ‘Are you feeling drunk?’ now he has a big sign with ‘Don’t make me put a bug in your drink!’
8. My friends think I’m pretty and smart… so of course they’re my friends.
9. What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef
10. Why don’t cannibals eat comedians? Porque saben raro.
11. There should be more precise names for deodorants. Why don’t they have names like Pitt Stop, No Sweat, or for deodorant that’s so effective you don’t even know it’s there, Vice President?
12. They should change the name of Starbucks to Stealbucks.
13. I have a frog in my throat; it tastes like chicken.
14. Q: What did the cow call her calf? To: patty
15. Q: How much did the cow’s calf weigh when it was born? A: a quarter pound