I started playing fantasy football when I was 16 years old. I got involved when friends asked me to join a league they were starting. Before that season, he had never heard of fantasy football. Note that this was in the mid-1990s, long before the game gained a level of popularity that surpasses all differences in age, gender, and race. There weren’t 10 different fantasy football magazines to choose from in every grocery store, drug store, and book store across America like there are today. Before my first draft, nobody told me anything about strategy. All that had to go through was a list of last year’s players and the fantasy points they scored. So looking at that list, one thing immediately caught my eye. Morton Anderson scored the most fantasy points of any other player in the NFL last season. (Actually, it is painful to write this story. It reminds me vividly of the humiliation that I am about to share with you)
I don’t remember exactly which post I was writing, but I think it may have been the third. I remember the joy and shock when the first two picks passed and Morton Anderson (along with all the other kickers) remained on the board. I clearly remember a feeling of smug satisfaction that washed over me, as I internally gloated about being the smartest person in the room. “How can these idiots take running backs, when the kickers score so many more points?” I thought while laughing at myself. Of course, it never occurred to me how interchangeable kickers are, unlike the unique value that comes with a top-five running back or wide receiver. So when it’s finally my turn to draft, I proudly announce, “I’m taking Morton Anderson!” As soon as I spoke, there was maybe a second or two of total silence as the words permeated the room. Then suddenly, as if someone flipped a switch on a laughing machine, the room exploded. I immediately realized that I had just made a complete idiot.
When the laughter started to subsidize itself, the guy running the draft asked, “Are you serious?”
I replied: “Of course not, I’ll take …”
Now here is the key. If you’re going to pull off the “I was kidding when I said I wanted Morton Anderson” tactic, then you should be ready with a legitimate name to replace him. I have to admit that I don’t remember exactly who I said, but I do remember that they had a good laugh too. I’m pretty sure it was someone who would have been in the fifth round or so. Basically, I threw in the first name of an NFL player that came to mind, and it wasn’t great. At least I didn’t say “Bill Cowher”.
Another great way to embarrass yourself during a fantasy football season is to overthink a simple decision. During the 2001 season, my starting running backs were Marshall Faulk and Stephen Davis. Marshall Faulk was a beast that year. He finished the season with 2,147 all-purpose yards and 21 touchdowns. Stephen Davis ate the yards but had trouble finding the end zone. He finished with 1,637 all-purpose yards and just 5 touchdowns. Going into week 15, the first round of the 2001 fantasy playoffs, I had what should have been an easy start as a running back. However, he was worried about Stephen Davis. He was more than capable of putting up big numbers, but a mediocre performance wasn’t out of the question either. Going into week 15, they stopped him below 80 yards five times, and on two of those occasions they held him below 40 yards. Considering that most of the season had already been developed, there was no legitimate # 1 rider available on the waiver. However, there was a small gold nugget sitting there that I couldn’t resist. Can anyone tell me who Trung Canidate is? Trung Canidate was Marshall Faulk’s main backup in St. Louis at the time. If you recall, this was back in the days of “The Greatest Show On Turf”. The St. Louis Rams were putting up big offensive numbers almost every week, and many times, Faulk was sitting at halftime to protect him from injury because the game was already a blowout.
In week 15 the St. Louis Rams faced the pathetic Carolina Panthers. The 2001 Carolina Panthers finished with a dismal 1-15 record. That fact alone wouldn’t lead me to do something as incredibly stupid as benching Stephen Davis instead of Trung Canidate. This is what would lead me to do something so stupid. In week 9 of the 2001 NFL season, the St. Louis Rams beat the Carolina Panthers 48-14. Marshall Faulk had 197 all-purpose yards and 2 touchdowns. Now for “work,” Trung Canidate had a staggering 146 all-purpose yards and 1 touchdown. So coming into Week 15, the Rams are 11-2 and basically have the division closed. It’s reasonable to assume that Faulk will hit big numbers in the first half, and Trung Canidate will get most of the workload in a game that can be added to the win column before it even starts. Well, he was half right. Marshall Faulk’s finish line was a mind-boggling 252 all-purpose yards and 2 touchdowns. Unfortunately, the game ended closer than anyone expected. Trung Canidates’ final numbers were zero general purpose yards on zero attempts, with zero touchdowns. What made this even more embarrassing was that Stephen Davis scored 66 yards and a touchdown. In case you were wondering, I ended up losing my first playoff round that day by 3 points. So making that bold move as a coach single-handedly ended my fantasy season that year. And 10 years later, I still remember it vividly.