1. Remember the initial spark between you. Daily life can be quite love destroying at times. Arguing about money, stressing over so many practical things, work, balancing the bank account, dealing with in-laws, bad bosses, and of course worrying about the children (if you have them) or running around taking care of them, are all activities that can easily erode those feelings of being in love with each other that prompted you to get married or enter into a long-term exclusive relationship. Therefore, it is essential that both of you find a way to remember, every day, what you really loved about each other when you were dating. It can be anything and can be remembered in many ways (photos, audio, video, something artistic you have done, the difference you make in society (such as awards, articles, etc.), how kind and loving your partner is (to you or society or animals), etc. Whatever it is that made you fall in love with him/her, it is something you should remember every day. It could be the way they smile, even, in which case a photo that captures that smile magic will suffice, as long as you can see him every day. It is an exercise that you must do every day, the two of you, so that daily life does not allow you to forget the great person you are married to or the great person who are in a a relationship with.
2. Your special song, your special movie. You’ll have different preferences for music, movies, books, etc., but it’s good to find one of each that you really love that you can watch, listen to, or read and join in. Also, make time for this kind of very simple bonding activity; if not every day, at least every week.
3. A special date on the calendar for special moments. It’s even better if the two of you have a couple of special dates on your calendar, in addition to your wedding anniversary, that mark something really special you did together. It could have been the first time they met, or the first time they kissed, or the first time they went on vacation together; whatever you choose mark it and celebrate it. If it’s a special event, like lying on the grass and counting the stars at night, or a bike ride on a secluded beach, try to recreate that event on that special date.
4. Dreams and projects to aspire to. It’s always good to dream of a fabulous future vacation together, or the future waterfront home you’re going to build yourselves, or the book you’re writing together that will become a bestseller. Make fabulous plans together, even in the distant future; daydream if you have to, as long as you do it together. The subconscious message that you are both giving your minds is that even if it is hard right now, there will be great times ahead for both of you.
5. Respect the differences of others and learn to live with them. You will never find the perfect partner who thinks exactly as you do, who does things exactly as you do, who loves exactly as you love. Therefore, the secret is to find someone to share the zenith with (those topics you can never commit to, like the person who hates violence in all its aspects and the other person who plays violent sports or violent leisure activities, or one person who needs to party every night and the other needs a lot of quiet time at home). In addition to zenitals, both of you will have to learn to respect each other’s differences and learn to accept them. If your husband makes a mess in the bathroom when he showers and you can’t help it, you may have to learn to live with that a bit; after all, it’s just a bit of a mess, isn’t it? Similarly, if you want to wear pants around the house and he has a fantasy that you run around in a bikini and high heels, he will soon have to adjust and accept that his fantasy is just a fantasy and that you prefer to be comfortable. in his own house, at least most of the time! That said, it’s a good idea to indulge in each other’s fantasies from time to time, as long as you’re both comfortable with them.
6. Your own little cash reserve. It’s nice to have a joint account for all your joint expenses and beyond. However, it may be a good idea to put some money aside and put it into your own separate account. This is for the occasional, ‘crazy’ expense that you can afford without general household resources and without feeling like you need to ask permission for it.
7. Enjoy spontaneous intimacy. Setting aside a certain time of the day (or week!) for intimacy may work for some, but if it doesn’t, you may need to try to be ready for when the right time arises. Intimacy is not only physical, but can also be emotional and psychological. Sex is great, but don’t put too much pressure on the relationship by expecting it to always be as “wild” or as frequent as it was in the beginning. Fantasies always help; spontaneity will also help, such as a “quick” in the car as you drive through some fabulous secluded spot. Whatever works for you; however, make sure it works for both and not just one.