Now that a man is in a relationship, he may feel the need to end it and/or want to get as far away from his partner as possible. This is not to say that he doesn’t like her or even love her; it is due to the fact that he will feel trapped.
However, when he started spending time with her, it may have been fine. If this is the case, he will have been in one place very early and will be in a very different place now.
Two worlds
Naturally, his emotional experience would have changed over time; this is part of the transient nature of life. But, there is a big difference between feeling different over time and being in a position where you feel repulsed by your partner.
If you no longer want to be around her and/or have her in your life, you will want to keep your distance and perhaps cut ties with her. Most, if not all, of the positive feelings he used to have will be gone or pushed aside.
a need
So when he is around her, he will experience a lot of emotional pressure and that is why he will have the urge to get away from her. On a deeper level, he will feel that his very survival is in danger.
This is not to say that you will have thoughts that are aligned with how you feel, as your thinking brain may be turned off. Because of how he feels, he will simply feel compelled to create space between himself and his partner.
a massive relief
Once this has happened, you might find that you are able to settle down; that is, of course, if your partner doesn’t text or call you. If he does, he might find that he soon ends up feeling overwhelmed.
To deal with this, and this could happen when he is with her, he could lose touch with what he feels. This will mean that he will lose contact with her body and her attention will be mostly on her head.
Checked
When this happens, you may find that you can be in her company and that you don’t have the need to walk away from her. The problem with this is that it will mean that he is not emotionally present.
Therefore, it will be physically there but not emotionally there. Her partner will then have the desire to emotionally connect with him, but she will not be able to make this connection.
The result
If he doesn’t end up calling it a day, her partner could get to the point where she’s had enough and switches off, so to speak. If the former happens, it might only be a matter of time before she ends up in the same position.
There is also a chance that this is something you have experienced at least once before. The key will be to get to the point in his own evolution where he can see that he is the common dominator and that unless he changes, he will not be able to experience intimacy.
Step back
You might have a hard time understanding why you feel so uncomfortable when you approach a woman; after all, she is unlikely to bring her life to an end. As an adult, he will have the ability to stand up for himself and say no if he doesn’t want to do something; he will not be a helpless child.
With this in mind, there is no reason why you should feel trapped and suffocated when approaching a woman who is mentally and emotionally healthy. You must be able to be in her body, feel her feelings, and feel comfortable in her company.
What’s going on?
What this can show is that when he approaches a woman, he is unconsciously projecting his mother onto her. So he is not seeing the woman for who he is, he is seeing her mother and experiencing the feelings and sensations that he experienced in her company.
This probably shows that his mother lacked the ability to adapt to his needs and paid attention to him when he didn’t need her or abandoned him. By having these experiences, she would have caused him to associate closeness with being annihilated and have a comparatively milder fear of being abandoned.
a traumatic time
At this stage in her life, and perhaps to this day, she may have seen him as an extension of herself rather than a separate being. Her version of her poem On Kahlil Gibran’s Children might have been: “They come through you and you, and they are with you and they belong to you.”
As a result of this, it would have been used to meet some of his unmet adult and childhood needs. Because of this, it would have been normal for his needs to be overlooked (he may have been punished, disapproved, and/or abandoned if he expressed his needs) and for him to regularly feel suffocated and trapped by his presence.
broken
Not having their developmental needs met would have been painful, and receiving the wrong kind of care would have been painful as well. Since he was in a limitless state and probably couldn’t talk at this stage of his life, he needed his mother to be attuned to his needs to keep him from being overwhelmed.
But, since she was not in tune with him, it is possible that she also lacked the ability to empathize, the only way for him to deal with the pain he was in would have been to disconnect from his body. This would not have stopped what was happening, but it would have prevented him from being aware of it.
the past repeats itself
What happened will be over, but your mind and body will carry the trauma you experienced all those years ago. Just like then, disconnecting from himself will be a way of keeping his intense feelings at bay.
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During her early years, moving away from her mother would not have been an option; it would have been an option later in the development of it. If, then, it is mainly about being overwhelmed by shutting down and not escaping, that will be why.
Awareness
If a man can relate to this and is ready to turn his life around, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.