I have to get this off my chest before it explodes!
Just a few hours ago, a kid posted a simple question about gaining weight on a bodybuilding forum and received some typically bad advice on the subject commonly known as bulking up.
This is what one person said, “It’s been a long time since you’ve eaten crap. If you’re willing to spend hours in the gym, then you should start stuffing yourself with KFC and McDonalds, it’s much faster.”
There’s no question about it…if you choose to exercise and be healthy, you’ll want to make the quickest decisions you can, even if it puts your health at risk. Who wants to put in the time? (note the sarcasm in my voice).
As if that advice wasn’t bad enough, you’d think I’d leave the past behind, but when I saw someone else go through with this gem, I broke down…
“If a person is ‘underweight’, they should deny NOTHING and eat EVERYTHING, including McDonalds and KFC.”
I was reminded of the episode of The Simpsons where Homer is trying to gain weight to get to 300 pounds to qualify for disability so he can work at home.
The advice “Dr. Nick” gives you:
“Instead of using bread, use Poptarts! Instead of gum, chew bacon!”
Then Bart says: “You can brush your teeth with shakes!”
To which Dr. Nick replies, “Hey! Did you graduate from med school upstairs too?”
Your final thought is: “Remember, if you’re not sure about a food, rub it on a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, that’s your ‘window’ to weight gain!”
But keep reading because it gets better. I watched in horror as bad advice was given out like giant candy bars on Halloween in a wealthy neighborhood. But better still…
These people tried to justify why a dirty bulge was the best option to gain weight.
“Dirty Bulk is fine for a while. It’s a quick and reasonable way to gain weight. Most people don’t have time to plan their lives solely around bodybuilding. What’s the point of clean bulking when dirty can do work in an easy way? Much easier? Unhealthy? Who cares? This person will STOP eating junk when they get serious about the sport. That’s when the clean volume/cut game comes into play.”
And that’s when I realized that there are a lot of lazy bodybuilders out there.
Dirty bulking is a “cop out”! Stuffing your face with anything and everything is for people who don’t know how to gain weight healthy and are too lazy to figure out how to gain weight.
Characteristics of a lazy bodybuilder:
a) I can’t wait for slow gains, I’ll do anything to get to some imaginary end point.
b) Does not plan meals. He will eat whatever is in sight to get calories. 5-6 meals a day? No time for that. I eat when I eat.
c) He believes that a calorie is a calorie. It doesn’t matter if it’s from an organic chicken breast or from Chicken McNuggets.
d) The cupboards are empty, but your gym bag is fully stocked with the latest and greatest supplements and weight gain products.
e) There is no time to learn the finer details of nutrition, just stop eating until things happen and then do other things when you think you are fat.
f) Will do everything possible to make this bodybuilding experience ‘easier’.
For all of these reasons, if you’ve been given this advice before, want to gain weight but are confused about how to do it, or will sheepishly admit that you fall into one of the above descriptions of FA…