So they have decided to mix their families. The process of uniting families is a complicated and emotional endeavor. Much has been written about the dynamics and struggles of merging families through remarriage. Therefore, this short article focuses only about the importance of building a couple’s bond during the turbulence of uniting a family.
1. Set and enforce clear boundaries for your marriage
Set boundaries for your marriage; honor them and be consistent. Boundaries provide protection and guidance on how a couple behaves, how they interact with each other, as well as with people outside of the marriage. The boundaries that a couple can set for their marriage may include things like:
- Keep sensitive and intimate information about your spouse confidential (e.g., we do not discuss marital grievances with family members or former spouses)
- Take responsibility for your individual feelings and don’t demand that your spouse feel the same way about everything.
- Behave in a way that respects your spouse and also shows respect for yourself (for example, insults are not used during arguments).
I can’t stress enough how important this is. Lack of boundaries in a marriage can be disastrous. If you’re not sure about the status of the boundaries in your relationship, give me a call; I would love to work with you.
2. Recognize that your relationship with your spouse is different from your relationship with children.
Although it is important to meet the needs of the children of the family, strengthening the bond of the couple is essential. The relationship with your children is to love them, nurture them, instruct them, discipline them, prepare them and give them to the world as valuable contributors one day. The relationship with your spouse is for the two of you. It is loving and nurturing, enjoying and appreciating the person you have become, achieving goals together and sharing dreams. The couple relationship is the sharing of personal satisfaction and enjoyment between two Adults. Companionship and support, both emotional Y physical, are key in this relationship.
3. Go out with your spouse
Dating practice is something that falls by the wayside after saying “I do.” When bringing a family together, dating your spouse becomes even more important. It is an important part of establishing your identity as a married couple, not just as parents or step-parents. It also establishes a culture in your new family, which shows that the marriage relationship is important. Going out with your spouse provides an opportunity for your children and stepchildren to witness positive marital behavior. This practice also gives you and your spouse the opportunity to strengthen and maintain your connection. They will need each other’s support as they integrate the family.
4. Be careful receiving “well-intentioned” advice
Friends and family are full of ‘well-meaning’ and unsolicited advice. This advice can sometimes backfire and become intrusive, which is intrusive and damaging. You may even unintentionally make your relationship the subject of gossip within your social circle, resulting in more stress in your marriage. When seeking advice about your marriage within a blended family, talk to someone who will give you constructive and objective advice while keeping your personal information private. If there is no one in your life who can provide this, meet with a licensed counselor. Your relationship is worth it.
5. Communicate frequently with your spouse. Communicate!
Be careful not to let offenses go unaddressed and unresolved. Communication can act like a cleaner in a relationship. You can build a resilient marriage through healthy, ongoing communication.
When uniting a family, difficulties will arise; expect them and plan ahead when you can. Before the wedding, communicate about finances, discipline, household duties, living arrangements, etc.
6. Give yourself credit for the things you are doing well
Identify your strengths as a couple and pat each other on the back for doing well. If you work hard to make time for each other or to improve the way you communicate with your spouse, give yourself credit for these things. But don’t stop there. Continue to learn new skills that will increase the bond you have with your spouse.
7. Seek professional help if things get too murky
Sometimes we are too involved in our own situation to see things clearly. Meeting with a licensed counselor can help by giving you an unbiased view of your situation. A counselor can help you and your spouse discover tools to strengthen your bond as you blend your families.